Beginning of the End

I know it's been a while since the last update, and I'm sorry Victor-fans, but I've been busy and in a strange kind of internet hell thanks to BT and the Japanese Embassy in Los Angeles. Don't ask. Over the last few days, I have thought a great deal about Victor and George, and have discussed this exchange with many people. ANYWAY, following Victors last email, I replied thusly:

Hello Victor and George,

I am very sorry, I have been away for the weekend! I went to see my parents, and they don't have the internet, so I did not get tour messages until I came back today.

I hope you are not upset George, I do not mean to make your angry or crying at all. I am very pleased that you are trying to help me get my prizes, and I am sorry that I have not been able to give you my banking details, but the bank that I am trying to open have not given me my account yet. I don't think they are a very good bank who treat people well. It is a shame.

You are right about London, I sometimes do like to enjoy a restaurant in the evening, if I can afford it. The pubs here are very good to, you can go there to meet people and to drink some beer, I am sure you like to do it too!

How could you help me to set up my own bank account?

Thank you very much George and Victor,

Dan Beames

My feelings after sending this became quite clear - firstly, this was not really fun (or funny) anymore. There is only so long you can mock someone's English and stall them from learning your true intentions. Whilst it had been a laugh gently mocking Victor and publicly airing his attempts at fraud, I now felt dishonest. And this whole thing has kind of run it's course really. I don't see how it could go further without some details or money being handed over, and that's just a bad idea. After a few days of silence, I figured the Victor had probably worked me out, and decided to stop replying.

Until Sunday.

There he is again, in my inbox. And as I read what I expect will be his final ever contact with me, I couldn't help but feel a bit emotional. I'm not sure how best to sum it up, so here is what he had to say:

Sir Beams,

Finally we are saying goodbye.  We can have been trying to help you all this time but we are noticing that you do not want help or prizes.  Think not sadly for George he is a happy man as are all men from Uganda.

And are computer records show that you are a guitar boy.  This is a fine profession and we are thinking you all the best in this.

And finally we say to you that when we travel through London we sometimes are traveling on the under streets railways, and we must always remember that this has many names and you, can find myself and George here for your pleasures.

Yours Sincerley,

Victor Uwaifo

Head of Goverment Tax Refunding

London

Sure, he spelt my name wrong. And I can't really work out what the last paragraph means. If anyone can shed some light on it, I'd be interested to hear your theories. I'm pretty sure he googled my name and found my music MySpace, it's the first thing that comes up. And I was very glad to hear that George was not upset. Like all men from Uganda, he is a happy man - "Think not sadly for George" actually strikes me as a beautiful turn of English phrase. I'm thinking about making it the first line of my one man play. That I'll never write or produce.

I feel like maybe I should write something back to Victor, and I may well do in the next few days. But whatever it is, it will be an epilogue to this tale. Finally Victor and I can look at each other in the light of day as what we really are: A Ugandan con-man and a guitar boy.

And I think we're both happy with who we are.

db