Set Lasers to 'Stun'

If you’ve heard the furore today about Sony’s Raygun promotional video, and not taken the time to check it out, I really recommend you do. Despite the fact they ripped it from the net when they realised the Twitterverse was tearing it apart and chuckling at its innards, someone was sharp enough to chuck up an alternate version. Although it’s surely only a matter of time until this too is blocked by Sony, I’m sure it’ll be accessible somewhere on the internet. Remember, Google is your friend.

Raygun start with an often-heard comment from first-album musicians, about how their record is a culmination of all their lives and effort over the past X years (in this case, eight). This is by no means original, but it is a very valid point, and one that a great deal of musicians will bring up in early interviews. At this point, I was beginning to wonder if all the piss-takery might have been a bit overblown. Fear not. It wasn’t.

The singer (hereafter referred to as The Daft Eyeliner) haphazardly describes their sound as:

“Iggy Pop, James Brown, David Bowie and Shirley Bassey in a lift.”

Quite what a lift has to do with it, I’ve no idea. Infact, if James Brown was stuck in a lift, I imagine he’d be pretty pissed off. If he wasn’t so dead, anyway. I tried to work my way through the equation, and didn’t really manage to get close to an answer. I did work out what the answer wasn’t, however. Pop + Brown + Bowie + Bassey does not = Raygun. My best guess is that it in fact equals ‘Pobrobowsey’. And that’s not even a real thing. The worst thing about this though, is that it can’t really be heard anywhere in the music. I know it’s nice to talk about all the musicians you love, but there is no point taking four legends in their fields and claiming your music is a mixture of their styles. Especially when what you actually play is dull disco-pop, with a bit of middle-of-the-road indie chucked in for good measure. It would have been more accurate to describe it as:

“Franz Ferdinand, The Killers and The Fratellis in a basement. In Stevenage. Having a sex-fight. In a bad way.”

The Daft Eyeliner (hereafter referred to as TDE) then goes on to explain their complex writing methods. Shock horror – they make “some beats” then get together and (unless I’m misunderstanding here) LISTEN TO THEM AND PLAY STUFF. I know what you’re thinking. How is it possible that I’m single? It’s as much as mystery to me, I assure you. But seriously folks, it’s hardly revolutionary, is it? I’ve talked to tens, if not hundreds of musicians about this kind of thing, and there are some that are constantly guilty of trying to make everything seem more intricate and magical than it really is. If you make a drum beat and jam to it, that’s cool bro; just don’t pretend you’re a wizard, conjuring funk out of thin air. And, wait a minute - did he just use the phrase ‘Psychedelia Smith’? Fuuuuuuuuuuuck. What a ginormous tool.

The bit that really turns you against TDE (hereafter referred to as TW@) is when he talks about being unemployed:

“I was at the job centre, trying to get a job in music, and they couldn’t even give me a job in one of the record stores! So I was doing these admin roles and feeling really shit about life.”

I don’t have to explain that really, do I? Other than to say, he just went from being someone that was fun to laugh at, to an utter, utter prick. A dwad, if you will.

As the video goes on, we get snippets of some of their songs, which I’m presuming are their better ones. They also give us a tantalising glimpse into what they’re about. Actually, maybe tantalising isn’t the word. In fact, no, it definitely isn’t. My personal favourite explanation of a song’s meaning is when one of the guitarists (or The Bearded Flopper, as he shall now be known) more or less tells us that their song ‘Can’t Say No’ is about the ‘Maybe’ button you can respond to facebook events with. Deep.

I feel like I may have been a little unfair on Raygun. I mean, if you’re just getting your first album released, and you’ve made a music video and done countless live shows, and someone points a camera at you and talks to you about your music, then of course you’re going to try to be interesting, different and funny. And if you’re not that experienced at doing this, it’s not beyond comprehension that, after some editing, you’re going to come out of the whole thing looking like a bit of a prick. The culprits here are most probably the people who put the video on the net in the first place, without realising that instead of being a cool, down-with-the-kids way of promoting your hip new band; it was in fact an embarrassing pile of shite.

So, in an amazing end of blog turn-turtle, I’m going to say best of luck to Raygun, and hopefully next time I hear of you, it’ll be in a better light. Maybe I’ll try and catch a live show and see if your real performance floats my boat.

Actually, you used the phrase ‘Psychedelia Smith’.

Yeah, sorry, you’re bell ends.

db