I awoke this morning to the news that U2 had confirmed they were to headline Glastonbury. From the reaction that I encountered on the internet and from others around me, I garnered that they were going to be pushing the boundaries of what ‘headlining’ a festival entails.
U2 were to be the first band to headline EVERY SINGLE STAGE of Glastonbury AT THE SAME TIME.
Using a highly advanced set, made up of mechanical platforms, gigantic 3D video screens and two huge metal limes the size of zeppelins, Bono, The Edge, Adam Clayton and the drummer (the drummer is fine) will be whisked around the festival site whilst belting out over six hours of hits. Highlights are said to include The Edge playing a solo as he seemingly levitates between the Jazzworld Stage and the Stone Circle, and Bono performing with Chris Martin, whilst having full sex, in your tent.
I am, of course, joking. At least I hope so. But I am mystified as to how people are lambasting the festival as to its choice of headliners. I’ve heard phrases like “it’s the end of music” and the perennial “the festival has changed, man.”
Of course it has changed! So has Reading! So has the Isle of Wight festival! So has every single other major festival in the world! Get with the times granddad! You can’t operate an event of that size now without proper security and regulation. It’d be nice if it had been able to keep that hippy vibe, but it’s not possible, especially not in England. It is less than ten years since they were told the festival would be shut down unless they improved in several major areas, security being the main one. And it’s not like that culture has been wiped out of the festival. If you’ve spent a night in the Greenfields, you’ll know that locating people with long hair, strange clothes and drums to share bizarre concoctions of narcotics with isn’t exactly difficult.
Anyway, back to the music. I would say fairly confidently Glastonbury has the most diverse and decadent selection of music of any site in the whole world. For three days (or more if you arrive early) you can roam the vast fields watching performers from all arts and genres. You could watch one act every ten minutes and still not even scratch the surface of what’s on offer. You could spend the whole festival in the healing fields, eating well and getting massages and leave the festival feeling like you’d been to a spa. Or you could go and watch U2. It’s your call.
I would be the first to agree that it would have been nice to have Radiohead, Prince and the Rolling Stones headlining, but as a wise man once said (I forget who): “You can’t always get what you want.” Coldplay, although now a shadow of their former selves, were quite wonderful the first time they headlined the festival. Although now they seem to have lost their way, back then they were the small kids with something to prove, and that performance blew me (and almost everyone I’ve talked to who was there) away completely.
Say what you want about U2, but they’ve been one of the most successful bands in the world for over 20 years, with an army of devoted fans. I’m not saying this makes them a good by merit, but they’re obviously doing something right. And if you listen to their back catalogue with open ears, there are some fine songs in there. U2 and Coldplay are both bands that, whilst they maybe are more popular than their output warrants, both often fall foul of being acts that it’s fashionable to hate (though Bono does make it all too easy).
Beyonce will put on a hell of a show, and no mistake. Remember how Jay-Z deftly put the thousands that had spoken out against him in their places? I’m sure she’ll handle it with the same skill and panache. She’s got the tunes to back it up, and she can’t half sing and dance to boot.
Of course they could all be rubbish, but my main point is this – if you’ve ever set foot inside the festival, you’ll know that who is headlining doesn’t make a blind bit of difference. It’s great when there are good headliners, I’ve had a few religious experiences in front of the Pyramid Stage, but it’s not the making or breaking of the festival. There have been years where I’ve barely seen an act on the main stage. Go find some freaky afrobeat in a tent and get bonkered up like nutters on cans of warm lager. Munch some disco biscuits and meet likeminded people off their twats in one of the dance tents. Who fucking cares. Just go with a big group of mates and take the weekend off.
Glastonbury is one of the most special places on this earth. Don’t piss and whine about one tiny thing.
U2 were to be the first band to headline EVERY SINGLE STAGE of Glastonbury AT THE SAME TIME.
Using a highly advanced set, made up of mechanical platforms, gigantic 3D video screens and two huge metal limes the size of zeppelins, Bono, The Edge, Adam Clayton and the drummer (the drummer is fine) will be whisked around the festival site whilst belting out over six hours of hits. Highlights are said to include The Edge playing a solo as he seemingly levitates between the Jazzworld Stage and the Stone Circle, and Bono performing with Chris Martin, whilst having full sex, in your tent.
I am, of course, joking. At least I hope so. But I am mystified as to how people are lambasting the festival as to its choice of headliners. I’ve heard phrases like “it’s the end of music” and the perennial “the festival has changed, man.”
Of course it has changed! So has Reading! So has the Isle of Wight festival! So has every single other major festival in the world! Get with the times granddad! You can’t operate an event of that size now without proper security and regulation. It’d be nice if it had been able to keep that hippy vibe, but it’s not possible, especially not in England. It is less than ten years since they were told the festival would be shut down unless they improved in several major areas, security being the main one. And it’s not like that culture has been wiped out of the festival. If you’ve spent a night in the Greenfields, you’ll know that locating people with long hair, strange clothes and drums to share bizarre concoctions of narcotics with isn’t exactly difficult.
Anyway, back to the music. I would say fairly confidently Glastonbury has the most diverse and decadent selection of music of any site in the whole world. For three days (or more if you arrive early) you can roam the vast fields watching performers from all arts and genres. You could watch one act every ten minutes and still not even scratch the surface of what’s on offer. You could spend the whole festival in the healing fields, eating well and getting massages and leave the festival feeling like you’d been to a spa. Or you could go and watch U2. It’s your call.
I would be the first to agree that it would have been nice to have Radiohead, Prince and the Rolling Stones headlining, but as a wise man once said (I forget who): “You can’t always get what you want.” Coldplay, although now a shadow of their former selves, were quite wonderful the first time they headlined the festival. Although now they seem to have lost their way, back then they were the small kids with something to prove, and that performance blew me (and almost everyone I’ve talked to who was there) away completely.
Say what you want about U2, but they’ve been one of the most successful bands in the world for over 20 years, with an army of devoted fans. I’m not saying this makes them a good by merit, but they’re obviously doing something right. And if you listen to their back catalogue with open ears, there are some fine songs in there. U2 and Coldplay are both bands that, whilst they maybe are more popular than their output warrants, both often fall foul of being acts that it’s fashionable to hate (though Bono does make it all too easy).
Beyonce will put on a hell of a show, and no mistake. Remember how Jay-Z deftly put the thousands that had spoken out against him in their places? I’m sure she’ll handle it with the same skill and panache. She’s got the tunes to back it up, and she can’t half sing and dance to boot.
Of course they could all be rubbish, but my main point is this – if you’ve ever set foot inside the festival, you’ll know that who is headlining doesn’t make a blind bit of difference. It’s great when there are good headliners, I’ve had a few religious experiences in front of the Pyramid Stage, but it’s not the making or breaking of the festival. There have been years where I’ve barely seen an act on the main stage. Go find some freaky afrobeat in a tent and get bonkered up like nutters on cans of warm lager. Munch some disco biscuits and meet likeminded people off their twats in one of the dance tents. Who fucking cares. Just go with a big group of mates and take the weekend off.
Glastonbury is one of the most special places on this earth. Don’t piss and whine about one tiny thing.
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